August, 3rd 2020
This is a general update for what’s going on in my life at this time. I currently made it home from visiting my Mom and brother for two weeks and then visiting my sister this past weekend. All-in-all it was good to visit and I’m glad I’m able to spend time with them, but now I feel that I should get back into the swing of things. Almost all of the religion/philosophy books that I mentioned in a previous post. I’ve thought a little about work and how it doesn’t allow me to really get into all the things I want to read (I also didn’t really read these past two weeks, opting to play Minecraft and watch TV although I did finish 2 Kings). Part of this post is for me to organize things so I can have a little more focus now that I’m back at home. I want to read the books that came in starting with the one on Mesopotamian myths. I’m thinking that I’ll want to write a post about this that incorporates some stuff from Classical Myth by Barry Powell. The main take away that I’m getting from the Bible, or rather the old testament, is that it is primarily a history of the Israelites and that it is definitely more dull than entertaining or insightful. 1 & 2 Samuel was pretty good, but 1 & 2 Kings was not and I’m not looking forward to reading 1 & 2 Chronicles, especially since it’s longer. I think the books after these ones are going to be better (at least I hope). I figure having an understanding of the time before the Bible would help me understand the Bible itself which is why I want to get into those books I mentioned earlier. Something else that I was thinking about was how I don’t like Christian music. I think it’s dull and uninspiring and at times I’ve felt I’m not a true Christian since I don’t like it. there have been a couple of Church services that I’ve been to that feature this kind of music and it just turns me off. Compare that music to the music from Les Miserables which literally brings tears to my eyes because it affects me so much. I can’t explain it other than it being a quasi-religious experience. The themes, storyline, music, and lyrics penetrate the very core of my being and stir up these emotions that I cannot understand or explain. I can only imagine that this must be what religious experiences must be like for some people. The counselor that I’ve been seeing has told me that the way Les Miserables affects me means that I’m experiencing life more fully which is something to be respected. Likewise, Leaves from the Vine from Avatar: The Last Airbender makes me cry every single time I watch it. I can’t explain it other than to say that knowing Iroh’s story from the show, knowing the kind of person he is, learning about how he lost his son because of his arrogance, and seeing his pain and remorse because of this is incredibly powerful. I think why it may affect me so much is that I want to strive to be a good man, husband, and father and I can feel the pain of someone who recognizes their failings and is remorseful of these failings. That’s the case with Iroh from Avatar: The Last Airbender, Jean Valjean and Javert for Les Miserables, and Moses and his father the Pharaoh from the Prince of Egypt. The Bible certainly doesn’t make me feel these things, but I definitely think that reading through it and exploring topics around religion and faith have primed me to feel certain things about these stories. When I think about being in a relationship with someone, I want to be able to share this side of me and have a deep emotional connection with my partner and feel the ropes of our being come together. Other things that make me emotional are the beginning of Up and the ending of Inside Out. I suppose as I’m maturing I’m coming to realize a lot of fundamental things about life such as pain and loss and what I think is important in my life and I think I can contribute that to studying the Bible and pondering some difficult questions. Being an engineer certainly doesn’t evoke these feelings which is really unfortunate. I think another thing that might be contributing to these feelings is taking a lower dose of Adderall. While growing up I always felt that Adderall made me a little emotionless and less empathetic, not that that was a bad thing, because there were a lot of times when I didn’t want my emotions to take over and either make me do something stupid or allow for people to make fun of me. I do however think that it locked me into this engineer path, I certainly couldn’t have gone through school without it. In conclusion, I haven’t read a whole lot, but I’ve had some emotional experiences derived from certain media which may be derived from my own maturation, the Bible, a lower Adderall dosage or a combination of all three among other things.