September 26th, 2021
I went to a friend’s wedding yesterday and I wanted to write about some of the things I felt while attending. I left the reception feeling a bit dejected about my marital prospects and I wanted to explore why I felt that way. To start, the wedding took place in a catholic church and was accompanied by mass. I know that the groom converted from the Greek Orthodox church to Catholicism in order to marry his wife. I don’t know all the details about a catholic marriage, but what I understand is that Catholics view marriage as a sacrament that somehow symbolizes Christ’s love for the church. I’d never been to a catholic wedding before and it struck me as very odd sitting through this church service during it. I can say for sure that I definitely don’t want to do something like this if I ever get married. I’ll probably have more to say about this when I start reading the dating and relationship books that I have, but as it stands right now, I’m partial to foregoing a ceremony, signing all the necessary documents, and then throwing a big party/reception. I don’t know if that feeling will change, but for me, the intricacies of the ceremony are more for the people attending than it is for the bride and groom. The only immediate family that I have is my mom, dad, sister, and brother, two uncles (one who is excluded from the family for being an alcoholic), and an aunt. All of my grandparents have passed away and my family is pretty relaxed about a lot of things so I don’t think there would be any sort of big stink coming from my side of the family if I chose to forgo certain things. Also, my mother is two times divorced and my father is three times divorced, so I think there is anything that I would feel compelled to include in a wedding ceremony if I didn’t want to. I think the divorce aspect is also why I don’t want to make a big deal out of the wedding. There is a chance of divorce if I get married to someone and I can imagine that I would feel pretty stupid if I put on a lavish wedding ceremony and reception only to get divorced later. I think my goal when thinking about marriage is that I want to minimize potential negative outcomes if things turn south in the relationship. I actually want to have a lavish ceremony and reception and spend the rest of my life with the woman of my dreams, but I feel that I need to be realistic about the reality of relationships in America. I think about my friend’s wedding and how it was very much an extravagant and picturesque affair and think about the probability that it would last. The bride is really into Disney (they’re actually honeymooning at Disney) and I can imagine that she thought of this as her fairytale dream wedding and I think about how silly an idea that is. In all honesty, I can imagine that the marriage will last till death do they part and I would be surprised if they split up, but the probability is still there. No doubt religion and family will play a part in keeping them together, and I think that is where the pain I feel is coming from. I think my biggest emotional hang-up about their wedding is that it was presented as this fairytale dream wedding with all the pomp and circumstance and I feel that I want that, but then I think of my non-religiousness and lack of familial marital success and that is what makes me sad. I feel that for some people, especially the religious, things come easier because they are not thinking about the possible negative outcomes or ways in which certain things do or do not make sense. It feels good to do things a certain way and the conclusion is that that must be the right way to do them. I think that is where I want to leave this for now.